Tonight is the full moon, the first full moon in this new apartment, and the first first full moon of September. A month that always seems to bring so much change and transition even though my days of academia and ‘back to school’ are over.
I have been having a lot of thoughts about the moon tonight as I prepare my water and crystals to be cleansed and charged by her light. For the purpose of writing this I am going to address the moon as her, though personally I do not assign gender to any part of the universes nor the gods and forces that watch over.
Over an hour ago I stood in the parking lot of my old apartment, holding a tall artisenal glass bottle filled with water that I had gone out of my way to find at a home goods store because I am hella extra, and if I’m going to be charging water it has to fit my aesthetic. I can’t just put out any plain old plastic water bottle and ask the moon to fill it with strength. So there I was staring up at the moon asking her to cleanse and fill my glass with her strength to last me through the month, and I began to think about my relationship to the moon and how different we are.
The moon exists without limits, she passes between grey areas with the calm strength that she always embodies. Me, I hate sitting in grey space. It’s all or nothing. I set my boundaries like brick walls, you are either on one side or you are out for good. Dealing with trauma and abuse this kind of clarity gave me strength. For a long time I did not feel I could set any boundaries, and now I have erected solid stone walls around those who hurt me, those who have done nothing but poison my life. But life isn’t always that polarized, and I struggle with forming glass walls and doors instead of brick walls that are by their very nature forever closed.
The moon is also calm and level in her power. She is contained despite her imense strength, and should something be in her way, she simply moves it. Me? I burn more like the sun. I feel so much all the time I don’t know how my body survives, and if something is in my way I don’t move it, I punch my way through until I either succeed or burn out trying.
I think it is because we are so different that I have always felt that pull of energy and safety of her strength. I hate the night and the dark, it feels uneasy and often scary, but the moon has always felt grounding even on the darkest nights.
I should probably clarify that I like being like the sun. I like that I burn instead of glow; that the emotions I feel and convictions I have are forever heavy and powerful, even if it makes me sensitive and often overwhelmed. I am imensly connected in ways I am still learning to guard myself against but that is who I am. It took me a long time but I have claimed my sensitivity with honor and an aggressive level of pride. Still, nothing functions without balance, and the sun and moon are two great polar forces in this world. So while I am much more atune to the ways of the sun, I need balance and grounding in order to thrive.
The night of a full moon is a chance for me to reflect and pull the strength and balance I will need through out the coming month. And while my practice involves charging water in an artesenal glass bottle, and laying out my favorite crystals on the window sill, those are just the methods behind something I think is important for all beings, spiritual or not. Finding and allowing ourselves to accept the strength and skills we need to make it through the day.