Weather Vane: OOTD and Gender Thoughts

Today was weird. The best way to explain my gender was that it felt like I was driving alone at night in an unfamiliar place and my GPS kept redirecting and loosing signal, but the speed limit was 60 miles an hour so I was going too fast to read any street signs in the darkness. Everything felt wrong and confusing and broken. I know it isn’t really possible for gender to be broken. It’s not physical or tangible in any way, but also there is no real standard or measurement of what it should or shouldn’t be like. Well, besides the standard of the gender binary but by those standards I am always broken which is so far from true. Nevertheless, despite the evidence that gender can have many forms and mine fluctuates and changes with the seasons, today it was wrong. I couldn’t place who I was or how I wanted to be received by the world, and therefore I spent the day feeling dissociated and disconnected from everything. I said earlier my gender changes with the seasons, and I am beginning to realize that isn’t just a figure of speach for me. Every September as summer turns to fall, every life transition in the world seems to happen at the same time. So much is ending, so much is just beginning, and the weather is frustratingly indecisive. I never really understood the concept of January bringing in a new year and change. Despite the fact that I no longer adhere to the academic calendar, in my life everything always changes at the start of fall. Including, it would seem, my gender. I would love to have a weather vane for my gender, something to at least point me in the direction of the new shift, but until I make one I am just stumbling in the dark. All I know is the wind changing and so am I. — Dress: Gap Sweatshirt: Toca Boca Pleather Belt: Vintage Costume Shop Hat: Forever21 Boxer Briefs: American Eagle Socks: Deer Mum

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